For 4 years, I fought my way through university. Even before I started, I wondered if I would be smart enough; if I would be able to keep up with the reading; if I would be able to learn to write academic papers. This self doubt was my biggest enemy through all of those years, more so than the towering piles of novels, articles and theory books that needed to be read, the complicated and abstract theories that I needed to get my head around, all the deadlines and the papers that needed writing.
I am going to be so poor. The reason? I love, love shooting with instant film for my Polaroid camera. I have already build up quite the gallery, considering that I have only had my camera since Christmas. Currently, there is 1 last shot left of my third pack of film. My graduation is coming up and I know that it will mean that I will be unwrapping my fourth pack.
But that said, shooting with instant film has become a very careful and selective process for me. Because of the expensive price of film, I only take pictures of those moments I really want to capture for the future and of those motives that have been ideas in my mind for a very long time. So different from the mindless shooting I am guilty of doing sometimes with my smartphone camera or even when I use my digital SLR and don’t have to think about the price of film or getting the shot right with the first click. It has made me so much more conscious of what I want to capture and how. And even more importantly, why.
I’m not the most spontaneous person, I’m a planner; I love to write packings lists, to do lists and make plans. I like to know in advance what will happen tomorrow, in a week or in a month’s time. But you can’t plan everything in life! So it’s really nice to have a boyfriend who is much better at doing impulsive and spontaneous things than I am. It gives me experiences I wouldn’t otherwise get.